“True Love is born from understanding.” Buddha
For several weeks, I have not written a new post for the blog. Life has become the priority—a mixture of joyous happenings and challenging struggles. Dreams have come true and pleasures have been dashed.
Life Was Good
I was married in late June. A year and a half ago, I wouldn’t have thought it was possible. I had created a life, without a partner, that made me happy most of the time. I had met a couple of nice men, but we weren’t really a fit. I was promoting my memoir Awakening to the Dance: A Journey to Wholeness and beginning to explore a way to publish some poetry. I had found a stimulating discussion group where I was making new friends and was hiking with a nice group of people. Life was good.
I Met the Love of My Life
Then I met my Love. It was an accident. I was on an online dating site and made the mistake of clicking on something that took me to a site I didn’t want to be on. There he saw me with one of the posters beside me for the Releasing the Fear classes that I teach. He said it was my eyes that attracted him. When he later returned to the site, I was gone, but he didn’t give up. He googled “releasing your fear” and information appeared that led him to my email address.
I’m glad he is a curious and sensitive man. His email was thoughtful, letting me know he was not stalking me despite the search he had made, so I responded. Of course, before doing so, I googled him as well and discovered he was a spiritual person and a writer.
This was all a switch for me because in the past I had often been the one who made the most effort to get together with the men I met. I liked being pursued, but I was cautious. We used email and the phone to communicate and that went well, but I knew meeting him in person would tell me the most, especially since I am very sensitive to another person’s energy.
Spiritual Compatibility Is Important
The rest of the story is too long to tell here, but he came to a workshop and liked my work. We read each others’ books and liked what we read. Although our spiritual backgrounds are very different, we are very spiritually compatible and he has become a part of my spiritual community. Still there are differences, and most conflicts came from not understanding one another.
Conflicts Often Result From Making Assumptions
So we learned along the way and will always be learning how to understand one another. It is so easy to make assumptions and draw inaccurate conclusions about another’s behavior. Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements advises us not to make assumptions, and that’s some of the best advice I’ve ever received. Our assumptions are always about us and rarely offer us truths about the other person.
Part of my journey in this relationship has been learning how to live with another person because, with the exception of one year with a roommate years ago, I have lived alone since 1977. I never realized how set in my ways I am. Fortunately, my Love has had more experience, but he’s also flexible. Together we’ve learned what to do to make this work.
There were some challenges, especially when I fell hiking in mid-April and broke my ankle. My Love moved in to take care of me so that I would not have to go to a rehab facility. It stretched us both, but his love and care were wonderful. We joke about him earning his nursing degree during this time. What I saw was a man who simply does what he needs to do to care for those he loves even when it’s difficult. I learned I could trust him and depend on him. He had inner strength.
Understanding One Another Leads to a Deep Love
But here’s the bottom line. Many of us want relationships and marriage. I’ve wanted it all my life but was never willing to settle for a relationship with a man who was uncommitted or controlling or not on a compatible path. I just knew it wouldn’t work. The truth is that the most wonderful thing about this marriage relationship is something I had never felt—a feeling so wonderful that it still seems quite unreal.
It isn’t the illusion of “being in love.” It is something so much deeper. It is knowing that on a spiritual level you are a match, that your love is a healthy love that supports you both. It is a feeling of deep peace and joy, knowing you are loved for who you truly are, and that you share the same kind of commitment. It is knowing that the other person will be there for you, and that you, without a doubt, will be there for him.
We Cannot Truly Love Another Until We Love Ourselves
I thought I knew what True Love was, but I didn’t. What I had felt once in the past doesn’t even come close to this, but I also realize that I can experience this True Love because I have spent many years learning to understand and love myself and created a life I liked. With these two things in place I was energetically ready to attract my perfect mate and had become the person who could be his perfect partner.
I’m now back on my feet, walking almost normally, but still doing physical therapy so I can return to my former hiking strength. Life never feels quite complete without my time on the forest trails. I feel most grateful for this healing and also for the partner I now have who shares all the paths I follow.
© 2014 Georganne Spruce ZQT4PQ5ZN7F5
Related Articles: Dr. Wayne Dyer: Dating, Desire, and Attracting Love, Deeper Dating – Finding A New Approach to Love, Relationships: True Love and the Transcendence of Duality (interview with Eckhart Tolle)