“Acceptance looks like a passive state, but in reality it brings something entirely new into this world. That peace, a subtle energy vibration, is consciousness.” Eckhart Tolle
Are you able to accept circumstances that displease you and move on, or do you stay stuck wishing the thing had never happened? Do you resist accepting and letting go because you believe that validates what happened? Are you able to accept what you can’t change?
Forgiveness Releases Negative Emotions
One of the most profound shifts in my thinking came years ago when I was taking a class in the fundamentals of Religious Science philosophy. We were discussing forgiveness, and the minister pointed out that forgiveness releases you from your attachment to a hurtful situation and frees you to move on. It doesn’t mean that you think what was done to you was acceptable; it means you aren’t going to hang on to your anger or hurt anymore.
Explore the Themes in Each Conflict
Often, we feel hurt in situations because we don’t understand why the other person has done the thing that hurts us. At the time I heard these wise words, a friend of mine had dropped out of my life and just wasn’t available after she started living with a man. I understood her life had changed, but I felt she had handled some things related to me in a very insensitive way. In our interactions with others, there are themes that run throughout our lives, often based on childhood experiences. An abandoned child or one whose parent was not emotionally there much of the time may feel abandoned when a friend moves away. Because this is a major theme, this event may be experienced in an intense way. What is merely a sad event to one may be devastating to another.
Understanding Emotional Themes Helps Us Release the Drama
The intensity of what we feel may also motivate us to create drama around the situation or we may simply shut down emotionally, refusing to deal with it at all. But unless we are willing to look closely at the underlying theme in these situations, we will repeat them again. When we look at them closely and are able to understand what the situation is about at a deeper level, we release some of our attachment to the drama. Then, we can more easily detach from it and accept the situation for what it is. According to Oneness, “Acceptance, unconditionally, of whatever has been presented, without the need to try to change, and without the need to fit it into the context of one’s own system of values, constitutes the recipe for release from whatever contractual arrangement may have been in place with certain beings.” (pp. 166-167) As Oneness points out, the intensity of our feelings may also be related to karmic connections with other people or karmic themes. When we are able to release ourselves from these and even lesser drama, we are able to accept what is and release the other person with love. As long as we hang on to the anger or hurt, the drama thickens within us even if we have no physical contact with the other person.
Release Fears and Allow Solitude to Heal
But how can we let go of those negative feelings? Choosing solitude offers us the opportunity to go within. Meditation may be very helpful in detaching from emotional turmoil, and along with that, I use the releasing fear practice that I teach because at the root of all negative emotions is fear. I explore the fear beneath the anger and hurt. What am I afraid of? In the case of my friend, was I afraid I wouldn’t find another friend? Was I afraid I’d never find a man who would love me? Then I direct my mind to release the fear, naming it specifically if I can identify it. I breathe deeply and as I exhale, I feel the fear leave my body. If negative emotions keep coming up, I continue the practice for each one, allowing quiet space to settle over me between each release. Another helpful technique based on acupressure points is the Emotional Freedom Technique of tapping. I find it particularly helpful for the deeper issues that are more difficult to release with the release the fear technique. After all, our emotions are energy, and this healing requires that we learn to release what is not healthy for us.
Acceptance Includes Loving Detachment
When we have released our fears, we will be able to accept what is and move on even when acceptance may mean leaving those we love. Oneness says, “Walking away with loving detachment is the lesson here to be mastered.” Eventually, I was able to see my friend with more objectivity, understanding that the man with whom she lived gave her so much she had never had. I could also see that I had always invested more in our relationship than she had—an indication that it had never meant as much to her as it did to me. Being able to see the themes in our relationship eventually allowed me to accept its end. I was also moving into a new phase of my life that eventually would have separated us when I moved to North Carolina. The end had just come sooner than I expected. Accepting that as Divine Order was the key and I was grateful for the peace that followed. © 2014 Georganne Spruce ZQT4PQ5ZN7F5 Related Articles: Basic Steps to Your Emotional Freedom, Acceptance is Vital – Eckhart Tolle (video), Acceptance and Surrender – Eckhart Tolle (video)