Monthly Archives: September 2013

AWAKENING TO A PEACEFUL HEART

Posted on September 25, 2013 | Leave a comment

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” E. F. SchumacheR

A few months ago, my life was so full I felt I was in constant motion. I was promoting my memoir Awakening to the Dance: A Journey to Wholenesswith book signings, and I met a wonderful man and began a relationship with him. Combined with the usual things one has to take care of in life, I was fairly overwhelmed. As a result, I stopped going to the spiritual celebration I often attend on Sundays because I needed time for myself.

When We Feel Anger, We Need To Take A Breath

Then one day, I did attend the Sunday celebration, and as I entered the building, I ran into a young man I hardly knew who greeted me. “Good to see you. We haven’t seen you in a long time. You did your presentation and sold your books; then you disappeared.”

Wow! I’m sure my face was red with the anger I felt. How dare he suggest I just used my community in this way! I’d been there nearly every Sunday for eight years! I hardly knew this person and he knew nothing about my personal life. A dozen angry responses flashed through my mind—but I took a deep breath, decided to be direct, and said, “Well, I was really exhausted after I finished the book. Then I had to do all the promotional stuff, and I’m now in a relationship. I just needed time to take care of myself.”

Another person walked up to us and I was able to slip away, thankful that I’d been able to respond with an explanation that would perhaps make him realize his assumption had been wrong. I was also pleased with the restraint I’d shown. When I calmed down and thought about what he had said, I realized it reflected some issue he was struggling with.

Two people in a heated argument about religion when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at Columbia University. Click the audio button found above and to the left to listen to them. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Our Issues Are About The Ego

We all have our issues and when those buttons get punched, it is so easy to act in a way we will regret later. Inevitably, if we just react emotionally, without taking a deep breath first, we create more of a problem, making the problem “bigger, more complex, and more violent” as Schumacher suggests. Pausing to take that breath before responding reminds us we are in the moment and need to respond in the moment from the heart, not in response to our injured ego that wants revenge, attention or is responding to our past negative experiences.

In taking that breath, we are also affirming we want peace, and it may allow us to see the source of the discomfort for the other person. Taking a breath allows us to notice the tone of his voice or the expression on his face and that may guide us to respond in a positive way. I realized instantly that the young man who spoke to me knew nothing about my personal life, and that being open to him might create a bridge of understanding.

It Takes Courage To Be Peaceful When Others Are Not

I don’t agree with Schumacher that choosing the more peaceful path requires genius. I think it’s just common sense, but in a world where we’re still fighting wars and most television shows are about violence, it does sometimes take courage to take a different path. It takes courage in order to go against what those around us believe, especially if they are friends or family.

I taught high school English for years and was often appalled by the hateful things teens said to each other, even to their friends. When students chose not to engage in that disrespectful behavior, they were often ostracized, so the penalty for nonconformity was huge.

I once had a student ask me if I thought most people were good. I answered that, yes, I thought most people were basically good. She responded that she didn’t agree—she thought most people were mean. With that as the basis of her thinking, it is not surprising that she often responded hatefully to others. She wanted to hurt them before they hurt her.

Our Responses Reflect Who We Are

In the end, though, it doesn’t matter whether others are good or hateful. How we respond in every situation is our choice and we have to live with it. We have to decide who we want to be. Do we want to be the one who comes back with a more hateful remark or do we want to be the one who creates a bridge or lets the emotional charge from our opponent die because we choose not to feed their negativity with ours?

Courage Comes From The Heart

When we are in doubt about how to respond to a negative situation, it is always wise to take a breath and consult the heart. Responding out of love and peace is never a bad choice, and it doesn’t mean that we are weak by not confronting the anger or hatefulness in another. We can still hold to our point of view, but when we do that from a peaceful base, it is more likely to be heard by others. It may then be possible to turn an argument into a conversation or a misunderstanding into friendship. Courage is most powerful when it comes from the heart.

AWAKENING TO AN ADVENTUROUS LIFE

Posted on September 18, 2013 | Leave a comment

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” Eleanor Roosevelt

English: A group of drummers in Accra, Ghana, wearing dashiki shirts and knitted kufi caps. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you often try out new activities or ideas? Or do you feel the most content when things remain the same? Have you ever learned anything important from doing something new?

Unlike many people who have one vocation, marriage, or passion in life, I’ve always been interested in many things. During the time I was a dancer, I was also a teacher, receptionist, employment counselor, and lawyer’s assistant, doing whatever I needed to do to pay the rent. Of course, teaching has been my primary profession, but I taught English, dance, drama, and exceptional children.

Curiosity Can Motivate Exploration

After being somewhat of a recluse as a child because of illnesses, as an adult I was always hungry for new experiences. After I started to really explore life, I couldn’t stop. Each experience created a curiosity that motivated me to try something else that was new. At times, I was fearful, but I chose not to let that stop me. As a result, I have had a full and rich life.

When we open our minds, many new opportunities present themselves. We can expand our lives simply by being present in these situations. Do we take the time to listen when someone expresses an idea with which we disagree? It’s possible that understanding that person’s beliefs may expand our thinking so that we are better able to understand people who don’t share our beliefs.

Release Fear of Differences

Many of us are afraid of people who are different from us. This cultural disconnect creates many problems that don’t need to exist. If we could put aside our fear of what is different and embrace what is similar among us, we could create bridges instead of wars.

Experiencing Other Cultures Expands Our Understanding

In 1994, I was privileged to travel and study in West Africa. It was one of the richest experiences of my life because, for a time, I was immersed in a culture very different from the one where I grew up. It touched me deeply because I saw that it was possible to live a life where art and spirituality were integrated into daily life and where family was of supreme importance. I also saw the ways that stereotypes disregarded the depth and beauty of the people whose lives were rich in ways many westerners’ lives were not.

On the daily level, the trip also taught me to appreciate the regularity with which my phone worked, hot water always flowed from the faucet, and a prescription was filled from a pharmacy whenever I needed it. These were not sure things in Africa. But most of all, the trip taught me not to accept others’ concepts of people or ideas without doing my own research.

New Experiences Can Deepen Our Spiritual Lives

New Orleans Mardi Gras Indian (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Because I lived in New Orleans when I traveled to Africa, learning about the historical origins of the city helped me value aspects of the culture I had not appreciated before, such as the origins of Voodoo as a religion, the call and response aspect of Mardi Gras Indian music, and the source of many New Orleans dishes.

My way of dealing with life changed after this trip. I explored my spiritual beliefs more deeply and worked to integrate them into my daily life, believing that this would be a path to greater wholeness, and it was.

Adventures Broaden Our Understanding

When we see life as an adventure, we welcome what is unknown or unfamiliar. Adventure is about going where we have never gone before. (Yes, I was a “Star Trek” fan.) I loved where I grew up in the hills of Arkansas, but when we moved to Tulsa, I learned about the Cherokee’s Trail of Tears and the plight of Native Americans elsewhere. When we moved to Memphis in the early 1960s, I experienced the civil rights movement. In every place I lived, I learned and grew in significant ways because each place was different.

The Inner Journey Is As Important As the Outer Journey

When I hear people say they’re bored, I’m always puzzled. There are so many things we can do to make life interesting if we are willing to make the effort. Are we willing to take on this responsibility? There are books to read, movies to see, and conversations to initiate. And in this culture, we often think we have to do something all the time. Perhaps we need to learn that just being may be the most interesting thing we can do.

It is not just the outer adventure that can excite us, but the inner one as well. What led me to a point where I felt my life and spirituality were integrated and I felt whole was a spiritual journey where I explored several spiritual practices and stayed open to see whatever showed up as a possible teacher. The journey inward has been as rich and expansive as the outer one.

Adventures Expand Our Human Awareness

Adventures are what we make them. To one person, eating Indian food may be an adventure. To another, living in India is an adventure. But what they all have in common is our willingness to try something new, to open a door that wasn’t open before, and peek in or step into a new experience. Even if it isn’t a particularly pleasant experience, we learn something we didn’t know before and that expands our lives because that’s why we’re here—to learn all we can about being human.

AWAKENING TO TRANSITIONS

Posted on September 11, 2013 | Leave a comment

“Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.” Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

How do you feel about transitions? Does the uncertainty about the future disturb you or fill you with anticipation?

Autumn slipped in when I wasn’t looking. Suddenly there was a tree along the highway that had turned red and yellow and began dropping leaves when all the other trees remained green and lush. Soon a few older brown leaves that had clung to the oaks all summer began to fall, and some of the grass in the yard started dying.

Life May Grow Out of Endings

On the other hand, the side of the yard that was recently dug up to replace a drainage pipe has been reseeded and underneath the straw is growing new grass, an interesting contrast to harvest time. These contrasts in nature are a reminder that, we may find life where there seems to be death and death where we thought there was life.

As soon as I graduated from college, I married, and two years later, my husband came home and announced he did not want to be married any longer. I was utterly shocked. The thought of losing him felt like death. As it turned out, he didn’t leave then, and we managed to keep the marriage together for another eight years of turmoil. When it finally ended, it still felt like death.

But out of that death, I found a new life—one in which I learned how to take care of myself so that I could make decisions from a position of confidence and choose to pursue an independent life. As I felt more empowered, I no longer felt desperate to find another husband. I was creating a life I liked and would only consider relationships with people who respected who I really was.

An Ending May Lead To A More Spiritual Life

Because of the economic changes in our society, many people have had to give up the life they led and adapt to a less extravagant way of living. Others, who lived moderately, have had to pare down to the absolute essentials. It is not easy to let go of what we considered the comforts of life, but it can lead us to something else of value.

When we can spend less money on things, perhaps we will spend more time with loved ones and also have the time to look within and develop our spiritual lives. When we have nothing to lose, we may find the courage to follow our passions: create art, open a restaurant, teach in a foreign country or become a hospice volunteer. Endings can be the beginnings of a new life.

Years ago, when I taught drama in New Mexico, my students wrote a play “The End Is the Beginning.” It was about some teens who made harmful decisions like getting pregnant and being involved with drugs, but in the end, they realized they had to change, and each chose to create a positive life. I hope their characters were role models.

Transitions Are Rites Of Passage

Resisting the changes we can’t control is futile. Finding a pleasure in the new will always make the transition easier. Often the transition is a rite of passage following a major change that forces us to shift how we think about our lives. When I had to stop teaching modern dance because of knee problems, I realized that far too much of my identity was bound up in being a dancer. It took time for me to accept that my real identity had little to do with the specific thing I did.

A photo of the sculpture “Dancer and the dance” by John Safer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This transition was not easy. I felt like a ship adrift at sea. Over time, I began to see that creativity was a large part of who I was and that I was creative in many areas of my life: decorating my apartment, handling my finances, teaching English, and solving life’s problems.

My creativity was not limited to dance, and as I explored my creative nature, I looked deeper into the source of my creativity, realizing it was connected to my spiritual core.

It was then that I began to explore how to grow spiritually by reading, studying new philosophies and spiritual practices that would allow me to change in the ways I wanted to change. What had once felt like the death of a part of me became a passage through which I found a richer life. I would always be grateful I was a dancer, but it no longer defined me.

Spirit Is Always There To Guide Us

Transitions often frighten us because we can’t yet see what will replace what we have lost, but we have to learn to trust ourselves and know that we will be guided in the right direction. When we have a spiritual life, we know that there is guidance beyond what is apparent on this earthly plane. We can go within, release our fear, and allow Spirit to guide us to the next step. Every change in life is an opportunity to expand and that is why we are here.

How has a transition led to a positive change in your life? Please comment.

AWAKENING TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP

Posted on September 4, 2013 | 1 comment

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

How do you respond to challenging events that block what you want? When you feel overwhelmed, how do you manage to move forward? How do you know what the next step is?

It seems that some months flow by so smoothly that it is hard to remember they were here, like a river rapidly flowing unimpeded over the rocks. Other months seem to attract problems like obstacles and debris that become caught between the rocks of the river, blocking the flow of life and creating barriers to progress. August was like that, full of distractions and problems to be solved that stole precious hours from my writing time and time with loved ones.

When We Are Stressed With Problems, Take One Step At A Time

Because more powerful cell towers were being built where I live that would give me better service, I had to trade in my old phone for a new one. I did that, except the new phone did not work well. It had less coverage, and I spent hours trying to work out the problems. In addition, problems with medical and dental insurance plans arose. Then, one side of the yard had to be dug up in order to replace a drainage pipe. The seeding that was done afterwards was terribly inadequate, and we discovered that area, once covered with English Ivy, had an underground spring that had surfaced due to the excessive rains we’ve had.

So how do we negotiate the rocks and debris that appear unexpectedly in our paths? I felt overwhelmed and anxious most of the month and often had to remember to breathe deeply. I had to remind myself that when I’m hiking and have to cross a stream there is only one way to do it—one step at a time. I place a foot on a rock with a little weight to test how stable it is. Then I step to put my whole weight onto it.

The Best Choice Is The Heart Choice

So with all these unexpected problems appearing, I had to constantly stop and consider what would be the best way to proceed in each case. I had to explore and research to understand the choices and sometimes the best choice wasn’t obvious. Over time, I’ve learned that when I am ready to make a choice, it is best to turn inward and ask what feels right in my heart because my mind often holds on to comfortable, old ideas that may not serve me well.

Clearing away the debris and blockage in life requires us to let go of what is no longer of value and be open to something new. We become attached to ideas, people and things, and it is especially difficult to let go of them when they have been meaningful or useful to us. When we find ourselves resisting, it is important to take the time to explore what we feel we will lose if we let go.

We May Need To Do Mental Spring Cleaning

We often need to do some mental spring cleaning. Growing up, spring cleaning was the time we cleared out old clothes or toys from the closet—sometimes reluctantly, cleaned the windows and inside the kitchen cabinets, and waxed the hardwood floors. We made space for new things, gave order to the disorder, and found that looking through clean windows always made the world brighter.

When we feel blocked in moving forward, it’s a good time to stop and think, “Why am I afraid to let go of the things I no longer need?” Even if we don’t like where we are, it feels more secure than stepping into the unknown, or we may be afraid we will make the wrong choice. When our minds are cluttered with too many possibilities, it is also difficult to truly focus and see clearly the pros and cons of each choice.

Quiet May Bring Us Peace

However, when we are in meditation or in a quiet moment, all seems well. We can just be. We can choose not to resist. We can be the observers of our own lives, and may be able to see how the blocks that have appeared have led us to better situations. We remember the peacefulness of flowing with the breath. We can let go of our fear and know that if we are in touch with our inner selves, the solutions to problems will appear as we explore the possibilities. We will be guided to the best choices and the next step.

Challenges May Lead To Better Solutions

Not all the challenges that arose last month have been solved the way I expected, but the ones that have been solved led to something better. Because I had been given inaccurate information about the phone and cell tower activation, I was given a nice credit and an opportunity to choose a new phone of my choice. I found a better insurance policy at a much better rate. As for the yard, there’s still work to be done, but if the yard hadn’t been dug up to fix the drain pipe, I would never have had the ivy in that area removed, and I’m so glad it’s gone and will be replaced with grass.

This is all a reminder that when we trust the flow of life even the difficulties tend to lead us to something better. The next step may not be what we expected, but that could be a good thing. It’s all in how we look at it.

Have you changed your way of looking at an event or person lately? Please Comment.

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Posted in Inspirational Posts

Tagged #WPLongform, Accepting Change, Awakening, Going Deeper, Inner Peace, Letting Go, Problem Solving, Silence, Spirituality

Monthly Archives: September 2013

AWAKENING TO A PEACEFUL HEART

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” E. F. SchumacheR

AWAKENING TO AN ADVENTUROUS LIFE

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” Eleanor Roosevelt

AWAKENING TO TRANSITIONS

“Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.” Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

AWAKENING TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

Awakening to the Dance: A Journey to Wholeness

New Book – What is Compassion?

FIRST PRIZE IN POETRY CONTEST – WRITER’S WORKSHOP

Available at Malaprops Book Store

Follow Blog via Email

Recent Posts

Archives

Awards

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Monthly Archives: September 2013

AWAKENING TO A PEACEFUL HEART

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” E. F. SchumacheR

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AWAKENING TO AN ADVENTUROUS LIFE

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Share this:

AWAKENING TO TRANSITIONS

“Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.” Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

Share this:

AWAKENING TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

Share this:

Awakening to the Dance: A Journey to Wholeness

New Book – What is Compassion?

FIRST PRIZE IN POETRY CONTEST – WRITER’S WORKSHOP

Available at Malaprops Book Store

Follow Blog via Email

Recent Posts

Archives

Awards

RSS